Not The Nine O'Clock News' book Not The ...

Tuesday 22 May, 2001

# Not The Nine O'Clock News' book Not The General Election carried the manifesto of the Democratic Ruthless Bastards. It contained gems like

Taking the lift downwards one floor shall be punishable by death.

and

People who let their dogs shit on the pavement will be made to eat it up with a spoon.

As the weather improves, the park where I walk Badger in the afternoon turns into a turd minefield. Unfit householders decide that, given the warm sun, it might be nice to have an amble round the park.

They drag their corpulant dog, who's spent the entire autumn and winter sleeping, with them. The dog emerges, blinking in the sunlight, to be tugged round the park by their sweating owner. It can't be let off the lead, either because it's badly socialised and will get in a fight, or because it just never has been and the owner's afraid it will run off.

Despite the increased numbers of people using the park - kids playing, other redfaced fairweather dog walkers, people just enjoying the sun and the trees - it never occurs to them that leaving their dog's shit in the grass is fucking antisocial. So damn well bag it and bin it.

rebuke said I totally agree about the dog shit. But that is just one of things that destroys our habitat every day. Why is it that smokers insist on leaving their fag ends on the ground? You enter any modern office block, and the pavement outside is littered with cigarette remains.

Also, what about chewing gum. People just spit it out onto the street. All those little black splodges you see on pavements are bits of trodden-in chewing gum.

Every year, our local authorities spend a fortune sweeping up our disguarded litter. For the chewing gum, they even have to buy special machines to clean it up. If someone dropped say a drinks can or a newspaper on the street, people would be horrified and start tutting. But for some reason, smokers and gum chewers (and dog owners) seem to lack public condemnation. I say, enough is enough. We all need to accept the responsibility to protect our environment. [added 23rd May 2001]

anonymous said WHAT? [added 2nd Feb 2006]

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