#From the JezUK postbag
From: Stephen Phelps
To: Jez Higgins
Subject: GOPTeamLeader
My newspaper in Virginia got about eight of those letters from the
GOPTeamLeader; I didn't run them, but I thought a Sunday column on the
subject might be appropriate. Unfortunately, I later found out I had
been taken in by another GOP spam letter several months before. Anyway,
here's the link:
http://www.bristolnews.com/features/editorial/MGBWEKZ14BD.html
Best regards,
Stephen Phelps
Opinion Page Editor, Bristol Herald Courier, Bristol, VA
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#
Japan 'loses' 206kg of plutonium - Japan on Tuesday admitted that 206kg of its plutonium - enough to make about 25 nuclear bombs - is unaccounted for.
Government scientists said that 6,890kg of plutonium had been extracted since 1977 from spent nuclear fuel at a processing plant about 120km north east of Tokyo. But that is 3 per cent short of the amount the plant was estimated to have produced.
About 5kg to 8kg of plutonium are needed to make a 20-kiloton atomic bomb similar to the one that destroyed Nagasaki in 1945.
Experts said the missing amount was surprisingly large.
There is normally a margin of error of 1 per cent or less when measuring liquid plutonium, which can dissolve into other elements.
Egad! Proof of a sinister Japanese plot to develop weapons of mass destruction! Send in the inspectors now! No, scrub that! Mobilise the military - this must mean war!
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#It's Opra time again ...
Opra, the Occupational Pensions Regulatory Authority, was set up after the Maxwell pension scheme debacle, to try and make suure that more people's pensions weren't stolen from under them again. It
may or may not be working. In order to fund whatever it does, all pensions schemes have to pay a levy. For the JezUK scheme it's a thumping £12!
The silly thing about this is that as a trustee of the scheme I pay £12 to Opra to make sure the JezUK doesn't steal the money that rightly belongs to JezUK employees. I run JezUK. I am a JezUK employee. I am a beneficiary of the pension scheme. So, I'm paying
to make sure I don't rip myself off. Bonkers. smellygit said You are a company director - therefore I consider you a fat cat and I have no sympathy :)
[added 30th Jan 2003] I am superfat - I am a director of two companies. [added 30th Jan 2003]
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# 1000th Seti@Home unit. Still no little green men though.
smellygit said Screw searching for Extraterrestrial Intelligence - I am still looking for some here on Earth :p
[added 28th Jan 2003] AngryJohn [e] said Well you won't find it in your bathroom mirror Mr Stinky
[added 29th Jan 2003]
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#AOL - way out on the cutting edge of piffling Python scripting!
AOL is testing a new IM chat bot
As part of its continuous push to market its AOL Instant Messenger program, America Online is testing a new instant-chat robot that answers questions from AIM users about weather and stocks.
In December, the online service introduced a test version of an "interactive agent" or programmed chat "buddy" called ZoeOnAOL. AIM users can add Zoe's name to their buddy list in order to get answers to questions such as "What is the weather in San Francisco?" or simply "Weather 94105," or to call up stock quotes.
AOL - on the cutting edge of piffling Python scripting! Why not find out where Kal is?
- on Jabber as whereskal@myjabber.net - 
.
jez_higgins: Hello!
wheres_kal: Hello jez_higgins@yahoo.myjabber.net
jez_higgins: How are you today?
wheres_kal: Perhaps you can answer your own question.
jez_higgins: Where's Kal?
wheres_kal: Kal is driving a road-roller back and forth outside his flat.
etc, etc, etc
As well as telling you where Kal is and general Eliza type chit-chat, the WheresKal bot can do Google searchs (using a RESTful screen-scrapy method, techfans!) - just send google whatever and he will. If you are of even a mildly programmery bent, getting him to do something else (to pluck a random example, say the weather or stock reports) takes a few lines of Python.
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#Something else from the attic
anonymous said Are you gonna reattach it then ? [added 27th Jan 2003]
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#Something I found in the attic this weekend
planetcutie said Ah yes, the second biggest event in the UK during that September weekend in 1997...
[added 27th Jan 2003] andrew luke said Ah, that brings back happy memories. Thanks for making me feel welcome Jez.
[added 7th Nov 2005]
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# From
GOP Team Leader - an online toolbox for Republican activists.
In addition to being given a "political edge" over the competition, you earn GOPoints for each Action Item completed. Action Items range from writing a letter to your editor to calling local voters and gauging public opinion. The GOPoints you earn can, in turn, be redeemed for collateral of your choice, ranging from coolers to mouse pads.
This is bizarre - loyality points for political activism.
Actually I wasn't sure about that last welfare proposal, but I only needed another 50 points for a sweet new backpack.
Have you seen this fall's Democrat collection? I was always a solid Republican, but I'm switching right now!
Politechbot kicks up Bush administration's astroturf campaign?
A Google search on the phrase "demonstrating genuine leadership" returns a number of nearly identical letters sent to the editors of various
newspapers and publications this month, each one with the name of a
different individual attached: demonstrating genuine leadership
A number of other identical letters dated last October and November can be found by searching for "taking a courageous stand against Saddam".
Blimey, that "collateral" must be flying off the shelves.
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# www.waitaminute.com - Coming Soon!
WTF?ajbattrick said I was expecting it to refresh to something cool after a minute. Alas, no.
[added 21st Jan 2003] We just made up the name during an IM conversation, so we see if it's registered, and blammo. Absolutely nothing. What a waste. [added 21st Jan 2003]
anonymous said hi harry
[added 6th Apr 2009]
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#
When staff at a Welsh supermarket first noticed dramatic increases in the sale of cooking oil, they thought the locals were doing a lot of frying. They weren't. They were filling up their cars with it - not surprising, as it's only 42p a litre - When one customer came in and filled a trolley to the brim with plastic containers of the thin, urine-coloured liquid, the checkout operator barely gave him a second glance. "Naturally, we assumed they were buying on price," says Hebson, an Asda man to the soles of his own-brand brogues. There was another reason that his staff were unlikely to see anything untoward in bulk-buying cheap vegetable oil. "We just thought they were doing a lot of frying," he says. "You have to remember, healthy eating has not hit Swansea in a big way."
...
"It mixed with the little bit of diesel I had left in the tank," says Nicholson. "Not only did it work, the vehicle actually behaved better. I never heard my car sound so good, there was a fantastic noise, not a clickety-click, more of a grunt. And then, of course, there was the smell." He used vegetable oil to tide him over until the blockade ended. But so happy was he with the performance it gave, that he decided to use it full time, and set up a website to exchange information on biopower.
...
Meanwhile, Asda has announced that as of next year, its fleet of delivery vehicles will be converted to run on fuel made from the waste on cooking oil collected from stores across the country (they fry a million doughnuts a day nationwide, apparently). Though a spokesman was quick to point out that they didn't get the idea from their customers in south Wales.
planetcutie said Trucks powered by SmartPrice cooking oil? That'll be something to look forward to...
[added 20th Jan 2003]
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#
A Technical Architect/Software Engineer is required for the development of an interface between GSM SMS messages, emails and the web. The successful applicant must be very experienced in c++ front end development and must be extremely well-rounded in other technologies; specifically MFC, SQL, COM, ADO, VBScript, ASP and HTTP. This is an excellent opportunity from experience in new technology in an exiting industry.
I know mobile phone companies aren't doing quite as well as they might, but exiting? That's a bit strong.
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# Rest easy Mum - we have a new buyer for the house. A couple who saw the house on Wednesday evening are lumping up the cash. Cool things for us include Nat really liking them (unlike the previous buyers) and not having a chain. Amusingly, Mrs New Buyer is Mr Ex-Buyers boss.
Mr & Mrs Ex-Buyer also now have a new buyer, and delivered a letter telling us how much they still wanted the house. I'm not remotely sympathatic as I don't feel they acted in a particularly honourable way during the whole business. I'm sorry they lost their buyer - obviously I know what a pain in the arse that is - but it's just their bad luck.
wunderwoman said Very pleased that things seem to be back on track. But will really rest easy when a buyer is found for my own place!!
[added 19th Jan 2003]
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# There's nothing more pleasing at the end of a long drive than seeing a Porsche Boxster being towed away by the AA.
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# Who says the housing market is turning to poo? We've had two viewings today with another to come this evening. Still haven't had the official word from our "buyers" yet - when our solicitors rang their solicitors, their solicitors said "what are you talking about?!?!?!" and sounded alarmed. Amusingly, Mr "buyer" is a solicitor himself, but couldn't afford to have his own firm do the conveyancing.
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#Shit. Piss. Arse.
Why is moving house so bloody difficult? In a hour's time I'm due at the solicitor's office to sign whatever-it-is so that we're all ready to exchange contracts, with a view to moving at the end of the month.
An hour ago though, we were told that our buyer's buyer has pulled out. So the whole fucking business is up in the air again. It's like trying to build a house of cards - one thing goes wrong and the entire ediface comes down.
Bollocks, bollocks, bollocks.
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# 
AngryJohn [e] said What ? Oh you've taken your notice board down, surely now you'll be forgetting all your big important events.
[added 13th Jan 2003] peteychap said Hmm, I'd have to say no. I've been lamenting your gradual, voluntary, loss of hair over the last five years. Bring back the long haired scarf beardy days!
You look about 20 in that shot. [added 14th Jan 2003]
planetcutie said Nah, it's ok. You should always try a new look when you get bored of looking at the same old face in the mirror.
[added 14th Jan 2003]
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# If you'll all excuse me, I have to try to impregnate my wife.
planetcutie said Ever heard the phrase "Too much info"?
[added 10th Jan 2003] You think that was too much info? Wait until you hear this! First I softly caressed her ... [added 10th Jan 2003]
marc said Been there, done that, my wife, not yours. [added 11th Jan 2003]
And then I went to sleep. Obviously. [added 11th Jan 2003]
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# I've just been cold called by someone from the "Legal Advice Bureau" enquiring whether anyone in the house had suffered
a trip or fall in a public place. If your insurance premiums have gone up recently then these vultures are partly to blame.
scunnyrob said I share a house with someone who works for them. He's on the phone now because he has not got his commission in six weeks! If these guys cant even pay their own staff, than how can a person expect them to pay up any compo!
[added 28th May 2004] scunnyrob [e] said Somehow my browser has lead me inadvertantly back here, I posted that comment about a year ago....how on earth?
[added 24th Oct 2005]
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# So you're looking for a new programming job. Maybe you're a contractor, perhaps you've just got itchy feet. There are scads of jobs being advertised on
Jobserve, but frankly it's a pain in the backside checking it all the time. Well, through the power of software,
you can have this little script do the checking for you. It scrapes Jobserve, generating an RSS feed of the jobs you're interested in. Point your favourite RSS aggregator at it and Bob's your mother's brother. Fresh job ads, delivered to your desktop.
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# Up to work in the attic. It's cold. Put gas fire on. Attic warms up. Fire uses all the available oxygen. Fire goes out. Get headache from CO poisoning. Open door to let some air in. Attic gets cold. Put gas fire on. And so on, and so on.
planetcutie said Just wear a coat while at the PC like I do. The mouse-moving hand gets cold, though.
[added 7th Jan 2003] Ah, but it's me poor arthritic extremities that suffers the most ... [added 7th Jan 2003]
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# Finished reading Don DeLillo's
Un
de
rw
or
ld last night. I finished the last page, closed the book and put it on my head, in the vain hope that some of its brilliance might leach down into my brain and lodge there.
I bought the book a few years ago, stashing it on my pile of stuff to read. Several of my comics-chums had copies and were raving about how good it was (although I subsequently discovered not all of them had actually read it). I kept putting it off though - it's 800+ page bulk is rather daunting. Later, my boss when I worked in Germany had a copy on his desk.
When I asked what is was like, he didn't reply directly It's the kind of book you read at a particular time in your life. Now I've read it, I agree with him.
peteychap said I take it you mean me...
When I was raving about it I was reading it. I just stopped soon after. So there. You've made me think about picking it up again, though. For your next big book, might I suggest The Wind Up Bird Chronicle? If you do, I promise to read Underworld... [added 7th Jan 2003]
I don't just mean you - I suspect that John hasn't read it either, and I even have my doubts about Darren. I've got a couple of skinnier books lined up (Rich Hall's Things Snowball and then maybe a Carol Shields), then maybe I'll be ready for another big fat book.
The trouble with big fat books is that I don't want to spend a load of time reading it only to discover it wasn't really worth it. Mark Helprin's Winters Tale for instance - starts out cracking, turns poo. My brother describes Infinite Jest (which is almost infinitely long) as not as clever as it thinks it is - if you read the back cover blurb, it sounds just like Monty Python's funniest joke in the world sketch. 2 minute skit or 1000 page book? Tough call ... [added 7th Jan 2003]
drmook said Someone else I know just finished Underworld and described the last 3 pages as the worst they'd ever read. What did you reckon? And in fairness to Infinite Jest there was more to it than you suggest. Enough even to justify up to maybe 300 pages I reckon. I still wonder at the editor that let the self indulgent bastard get away with other 800 odd pages. Mind you, that's just one opinion, my friend Rach liked it so much she read it twice.
[added 8th Jan 2003] I do think the first half or so of Underworld is better than the second half, but that's partly because you're less familiar with characters. Underworld moves back in time, so when you get to the end you've already some idea of what has happened, if you see what I mean. The very end is a little iffy, but but by then it doesn't matter. Besides, I don't think those final few pages should be taken too literally - otherwise it really would be something of a blot on the book. [added 9th Jan 2003]
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# Back in the attic for the new year. It's bloody freezing.
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# It is of vital importance to the White House that the bodies in the bodybags are not all American.
Bremner, Bird and Fortune once again demonstrate that they are the nearest thing we currently have to an opposition.
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# A couple of phone calls, a round trip to Cardiff and a 3 for 2 offer equals partial result. Work for some of the rest of the month is now assured. It's better than a poke in the eye with a sharp stick, anyway.
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# At the start of December I had two potential clients vying for my 3l33t software skillz. Then one delayed the start date. Now the other one has too.
Piss. Piss. Piss. Piss. Piss. Piss.
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# I've had almost my familiest New Year ever - I rang my brother Ric, and I also had a long chat with Auntie Jen. Two, count 'em, two members of the family in two seperate conversations. Ay-may-zing.
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# Happy New Year kids!
ajbattrick said And merriments of the season to you too J
[added 1st Jan 2003] Ta muchly! Now get back to massaging Naomi's feet. [added 1st Jan 2003]
ajbattrick said I have just worked out what you meant by this. Thankyou for the wonderful opportunity that you have provided for me to run my silken typing hands over her rough nursery working feet. ew.
I hope she doesn't see this :) [added 7th Jan 2003]
She doesn't need to. I'll tell her :p [added 7th Jan 2003]
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