How To Play Prostitute Trading Trumps

Prostitute Trading Trumps - How To Play Prostitute Trading Trumps

Prostitute Trading Trumps is played in more or less the same way as the old 70s schoolboy favourite, Top Trumps. The player who's turn it is picks some characteristic from his top card and reads it out. Everybody else reads the same characteristic from his card, and whomever has the best value wins all those cards and gets the next go. When someone collects all the cards, they've won the game.

While a typical round of Top Trumps might start with someone declaring V6 cylinders or maximum speed 24 knots, a round of Prostitute Trading Trumps will start something like 42 double D or (for advanced players) a bare breast with a hint of minge.

Lets have a look at a few examples

Jez Matthew Pete

19 years old
No age on mine, could be 18 though.

Aha! 18 years old

Matthew's observation on the age of his prostitute is mere speculation, and so must be ignored. The fact that his card gives no age means that he loses.
Youngest wins
Pete wins the round.

Great Portland Street Tube
Only hotel visits Own chambers

Own premises beat hotel visits, hotel visits beat area
Pete wins again.

Just lingerie
Two breasts! One and half buttocks and a breast in profile

Pete's gone for an advanced tactic here. There's not much text information on the card, so he's going for a picture play.
The more nudity the better. Two breasts beats a buttock and a half by a mile.
Matthew wins.

Jez	Matthew	Pete

19 years old	No age on mine, could be 18 though.	Aha! 18 years old
Matthew's observation on the age of his prostitute is mere speculation, and so must be ignored. The fact that his card gives no age means that he loses. Youngest wins Pete wins the round.

Great Portland Street Tube	Only hotel visits	Own chambers
Own premises beat hotel visits, hotel visits beat area Pete wins again.

Just lingerie	Two breasts!	One and half buttocks and a breast in profile
Pete's gone for an advanced tactic here. There's not much text information on the card, so he's going for a picture play. The more nudity the better. Two breasts beats a buttock and a half by a mile. Matthew wins.

You get the idea - specific beats vague.

Age - Youngest wins
"Statistics" - Largest wins
Blonde beats brunette, brunette beats redhead
Exotic beats domestic - oriental beats hispanic, hispanic beats caucasian.
The more specific the service the better - eg caning beats domination (as it were), domination beats massage
Own premises beats hotel, hotel beats tube station
In a picture, unobscured beats obscured
In the event of a tie (but I've got 42DD breasts too) compare the whole card
If your card has no match for what's been called, then you lose
Your pack may have a joker. If it's your turn to play, and your top card is the joker then you win the round automatically

Obviously the rules can be varied to suit your own predilictions. After all, if you can't get what you want from a prostitute where can you?

Have fun!

visit http://www.artofsex.co.uk for more cards for your collection :)
by artofsex on 13th Jul 2001
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Jez Higgins